I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
