Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
