I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
