just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Randomize
