Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
