they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
