It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You can't special order awesome
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
