apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
