I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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