Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
