So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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