the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
