we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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