I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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