Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
