I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
