That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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