I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
