So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
