You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
