Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
