So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
