Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
