i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
