There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
