Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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