My brain says no but my pants say off.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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