Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
