Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
