wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
