I wish I could punch you in the face.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
