Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
