I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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