question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
