I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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