I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
