I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
