I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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