My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
