with your own penis?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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