After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How external is "for external use only"?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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