She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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