Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
