made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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