just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
