Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
