WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
