I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So. Much. Porn.
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