remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
