Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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