I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
