she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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