walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
