Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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